Mandanarchi's Life

I. Hate. Everything.

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 13:30:03 GMT

In the last 4 days I have spent over 6 hours looking for jobs online. If they don't want experience, they want a degree. If they're "trainee" jobs they're for graduates. If they just want GCSE's, they're in London or some place I've never heard of and would need to move to work there.

My parent's are on my back about getting a job, I'm beating myself up about it because I'm just a dissapointment to everyone. I hate it.

Me + Job Hunt = Pissed Off.
Me + Job Hunt + People = Me Piss People Off
Me + Pissing People Off = Me Feels Useless.

No wait, change that. I AM useless. I can't find a job, I don't see my friends, I piss off my boyfriend. Everyone would be much better off if I was never born. All I ever manage to do is dissapoint or annoy people so why do I even bother doing anything else?!

Screw it. I don't want comments, I don't want people on MSN going "I know how you feel" or "don't feel like that" or "you're not useless" or anything like that. In my eyes I am. I have nothing in my life that I can be proud of, nothing that I'd be remembered by if I died tomorrow. In life I guess I'm just a complete failure.

Rest In Peace Steve

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 14:37:47 GMT

(If the image won't show up, click
http://www.mandisspace.k1z.com/img/steveirwin.html
It's animated and may take a while to load.

Wed, 10 May 2006 11:36:00 GMT

So. Life sucks, what's new? Well I'm going back to America with Ant, Mum and Dad. Great! But I have to pay for my flight and what Ant hasn't already paid. And I have to pay by friday. Which means I need to magic up £1020 by Friday. And of course, my car decided to start being a bitch and I've had to pay over £220 on her in the last month. I get around £600 a month, £200 goes straight out on direct debits, around £75 a month goes on petrol so that leaves me with £325 a month. We're going at the beginning of August. So I have May, June and July to save up giving me a grand total of maybe £975 if I don't spend on anything else between now and then. But wait! I have 2 concerts and at least 5 birthdays between now and then. If I say £10 on each birthday that takes the total down to £925. My average for concerts is probably around £50ish by now so that's another £100 so we're down to £825. Yeah, I can definately afford America. I'm going to have to take a grand out of my savings which is going to piss me off because it's taken me nearly 10 years to save up £2500. (Okay so maybe I've saved £1500 in 3 years, that's not the point.) Money sucks, needing money sucks, and not getting paid the same as everyone I work with sucks more. I know I need a new job and mum keeps moaning about it but I CAN'T FIND ONE!! The only ones I can find want 2+ years experience and all my experience is 2 months waitressing, almost 3 years in a factory and around a month of basically being a joey. Doing all the typig and filing and cross referencing that no one else at my dad's old job could be bothered doing. I know that there's probably only going to be 3 people reading this, because that seems to be the amount of people (not including family or work mates) I actually see anymore, no wait. I see Ant. That's it. Maybe Dom once every few weeks, Marc I think I've seen two or three times this year. Jo twice and Laura R once. And that's it. That's my grand social life. A whole 5 friends I've seen this year, not that anyone else seems to care about me anymore. I don't even know why I'm writing this, there's no point because I know who's going to comment and what they're going to say.

I see Funeral For A Friend and Fightstar in 24 days, Bon Jovi in 25, it's my birthday in 27 and I can right now honestly say I don't care about any of it. Bon Jovi are so amazing, I love them and have done for almost 18 years. And yet I can say I don't care about going to see them again. That's how fucked up I feel my life is right now. I have 6 best friends and I see only 1 of them regularly. That's Ant. Oh wait no, his work has decided to start putting him down for shifts on the two days we actually get to see each other properly. Sometimes I think it would be best if I just built my own house with no doors or windows and lived there all on my own. Well it feels like that anyway.

Fuck this, I can't be bothered anymore.

Long Time No Blog

Mon, 13 Mar 2006 22:53:10 GMT

Since my last blog, loads has happened. Most of which I can't be bothered writing down. The short version is that I got a gorge heart necklace for V Day *huggles to Ant*, passed my driving test, teh Simple Plan concert rawked, every film me, Ant and sometimes Dom see is fun. I don't see people as much as I'd like, even though I have the car and license, I don't have the time. Stupid cars costing money and parents wanting rent and me wanting to buy things so needing the money enough to work 6 days a friggin week. Anyway today I bought the new Fightstar album and it is AMAZING! I also got both Disturbed's earlier albums. I wanted the Childs Play trilogy but oh well. I really need to start saving up for my computer. Bin trying to save since January andI have maybe £60. That's really bad. Oh well. I'l have it eventually. That's all I can be bothered writing for now cos I need to carry on writing my fanfics for Katie who keeps asking if I have more up yet lol.

www.mandisspace.k1z.com

Mandi x

Bah

Mon, 16 Jan 2006 22:48:18 GMT

If only life was simple. If only life was good.

A few people have told me that I've been acting differently today, and to be entirely honest.. I have. I know I have but I can't help it. There is a reason, but not one I want to share. And I know a few people will have the "you can tell me anything, I'm here for you" response, but that won't help. I have friends who aren't talking to each other, I have friends I rarely see, I have 'friends' who won't talk to me, don't invite me out with them, which doesn't bother me anymore. I'm over it all. I don't care about it anymore. I wish I could say that a bit of me cared, but I can't. Perfectly honestly I wouldn't care if I never saw a certain few again, no names being mentioned. Music? Not helping. No matter what song I listen to, nothing makes me feel anything. I managed to cut my finger somehow before, and I never felt it. I only noticed when the skin caught on my top. I kicked a metal bar (again) by accident in work and didn't feel it. I read the one book that has ever made me cry and felt nothing. I feel almost entirely void of emotions right now. I don't feel compassion, I don't feel sympathetic, I don't feel anger, happiness, sadness, pain, nothing. It's almost as if there is a hole inside me and it's been growing, pushing everything out.

I wanted so bad for this year to be better than last, and already that seems unlikely. I cannot be bothered anymore. All I want to do is curl up in a padded room and rock myself to an eternal sleep. I can't cope with friends arguing, friends ignoring each other, broken promises, anything. I have 6 things to look forward to, and even they don't seem all that appealing anymore, and anyone that knows me will know that a Bon Jovi concert should mean a hell of a lot to me but right now the 4th of June sounds like 'just another day'.

Pain is all I can do anymore. I cause it, I live it, I inflict it. Is there a cure for such a dreadful thing? Is there anyway to escape it? Is there a guardian angel out there looking out for me? Will anyone save me?

LMFAO

Sat, 17 Dec 2005 00:40:58 GMT

HAHAHAHA!
I just found out that Johnny Depp is in Nightmare On Elm Street!!! I never knew that and I've seen that film fuck knows how many times!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 00:14:19 GMT

Well isn't life fun! You know the drill. Clean the house all day, work all evening, come home to find out your grandad will be dead by the end of the week. But that's not even the best part! The best part is that all I thought when I found that out was... "oh." There is a damn good reason why but if I go int o that I'll get accused of being a selfish attention seeker who is all "me me me". So you know.

Oh, really random but there this bit of a song that reminds me very, very much of a person I know and I'm wondering if it makes anyone else think of the same person. It goes

"She's into Janes Addiction,
But she don't know their songs,
I fall over laughing,
When she tries to sing along,
She say's that she's an emo,
Next week she'll be a goth,
It all amounts to nothing,
She gets murdered in the mosh."

... Yeah well anyway. I'm sat on my bed and I'm shivering like hell, but I'm not even cold! I can't type too good cos of the shiveringness and I'm in another of my 'nobody cares' moods, which I have been told no one does. But then again there are the few who say they luffle me and I luffle them too =) And then theres the people I wish I could talk to but I know if I did there would be an argument starting about one thing or another. Pffft. I don't care. Toodles. xx

Tue, 29 Nov 2005 23:52:29 GMT

1) List ten things you want to say to people but know you never will.

2) Don't say who they are.

3) Don't ask if you're included, or comment guessing which number is you.

1. It's been so long since I last saw you I probaly wouldn't recognise you anymore, I wish we hadn't gone our separate ways, you made me so happy for so long. I wish I could just tell you once more that I love you.
2. As much as I want to say I hate you, I can't. You were there for me through times when no one else was, but now you've just turned your back on me. Why? I can't understand why you're being so cold to me, I've cried myself to sleep so many times, I just wish you could tell me that you still want me as a friend, or even tell me that you never want to speak to me again. Either way I would know how you felt and I could move on.
3. I want to say thank you for being the best friend I've ever had, you've been there for me and helped me through some tough times in the short time you've known me and I hope I can do the same for you if you ever need it.
4. You're a fucking bitch and I don't ever want you coming near me EVER! You never bothered to even attempt contacting me for 15 fucking years so don't expect me to even come to your funeral you selfish, arrogant, lying, cowardly bitch! If I ever see you and know it's you, I'll probably kick the shit out of you for all the pain you've caused.
5. I know I'm not perfect, but neither are you. You may be pretty, you may have lots of guys fancying you, but that doesn't mean you can act like you're better than everyone else. And I'm not jealous, I'm just pissed off that you turned some of my best friends away from me.
6. I miss you. I loved you and you went away. I miss you so bad, I wish I could get you back.
7. When I talk to you, on the rare occasions I see you, I know that you won't lie to me, you'll tell me straight if there's anything about me that you don't like,and for this I admire and respect you... Even if you are younger than me and a total show off. :p
8. For all the hugs you give me, for all the care you show, for all the times you listened to me when I needed someone to at least pretend they cared for two minutes. I thank you, and I love you. I wish I could see you more, but life must be against me.
9. I love you, but it bugs me that I don't show it. I can't let myself express love or any emotion because of the bullshit I've been through that no one knows about. That I won't talk about. Avoiding and dodging and side-stepping things are the way I deal with crap. Which god knows I have more than my fair share of.
10. I share things with you that I would never dream of telling anyone else, I know I can trust you and I feel glad that you feel you can trust me the same way. You're there when I need you, I'm here when you need me. This is the way real friendship should be. *hugs*

Fri, 04 Nov 2005 22:09:59 GMT

I love you guys.

sigh

Sat, 22 Oct 2005 15:34:49 GMT

Well I just read a friend's post about how she misses the 'good old days' where we'd all go out and get drunk in a factory. And yeah I miss those days too, but I doubt I have any chance of getting back to the good old days. I found out today that one person I used to call my best friend has decided to move to America at the end of November and didn't tell me. It's 9 days till Halloween and I have feck all planned, which is usual, but I want at least one decent Halloween while I'm young enough to enjoy it, but having said that October really isn't my month this year. Every single horoscope I read or clarvoyance I have says that October will be full of fights and arguments which really doesn't help with the dream I had a few nights ago where basically I had a fight with my parents, a fight with Ant, then just left notes at three of my best friends houses and walked away from my life like it meant nothing to me. Which there are times I think it doesn't. This post never had a topic cos I know for a fact that I cannot write or talk and stick to the main subject, I get distracted and jump on a different train of thought as soon as it gets near enough. Ooh! Final Fantasy VII! I'm addicted! It rawks! The best character by FAR is Red XIII. He is so cool! But I just took him home so I can't use him anymore :( Oh well I still have Cloud and Aeris (until Sephiroth stabs her... must kill Sephiroth), Tifa, Barret and Cait somethingorother. Enough! As you may tell I am not in a good mood or a bad mood, I'm in a talkative mood but of course as usual there is no one I can talk to. Marc and Dom are in Liverpool, Ant is working, Jo and Laura are somewhere, Laura is in Leicester, no one besides Lorraine is online but she's working and can't talk much. I won't talk to my parents due to the dream, I've already nearly had 3 fights with them and as much as I know my friends wouldn't leave me or fight with me, I can't be sure that I wouldn't walk away. I wouldn't go away and stay away, I'd need to be alone for at least a few days though. I know how much the friends leaving can hurt and I would never want to put the people I love through that if I could help it. And back to another random subject change before I get all psycho about that. I'm designing a new tattoo for me and I need help deciding. Bearing in mind that the only people that read this are Marc, Dom and Ant, I can just ask their opinions when I see them. So I won't bother with any of that crap. As I said in my last post which maybe 1 person read, I have my McFly pictures online but you're going to have to wait until I put up the index page for them unless you want to go to www.bustedsangelbabe.org/McFly/image/concert/O241.jpg and change the last number from 1 to I think its 107. My fave is number 8 hehe.

I used to be able to doodle, read, whatever on my own and be fine. But now I feel so lonely! I swear I need to get a frickin life. Oh thats a point, I need to save up 120 for an acoustic plus case. And ouch my arm hurts... I'm not explaining.

Mandi xx

WOO Fucking HOOOOOOO!!!

Sun, 25 Sep 2005 13:24:49 GMT

I did it! Yay! Woo hoo! Finally!
Ok, sounding like an obsessive freak here... WOOOOOO! Oh well! I AM obsessive! Spesh when I got 3 of my fave musicians autographs and my fave from the band said hi to me and my friends :D
For those who don't know, I am talking about McFly. I got some amazing pictures, including one of Tom that looks slightly dodgy, but that's not the point. The point is they didn't go outside signing things at any arena, but then they came out at the MEN! YaY! And I have my sources, who tell me that all the guys liked the present I made for them, Yay!

And me and the tourbus driver, Zippy had a rather funny convo. Every time he sees a fan waiting he tells them to 'go home'. And sure enough he walked past me, Kirsty, Megan, Becky and *sorry, I can't remember her name!* and this is the mini convo.
"Go home."
"You! Do you live in the tour bus or something!?"
"Yes. Go home."
"No! Wanna show us round the tour bus?"
"No. Go home."
"Give us a lift in the tourbus and we'll go home."
*He laughed and walked off*

You kinda had to be there, but it was hilarious anyway. When I get my camera sorted and my pics developed I may put a few up on here. But seeing as very few people read it anyway I don't see the point. Oh well. I can chat on to myself about how life is amazingly brilliant and how I already have 2 gigs next year planned. :D

WOOOOOOOOOOO!!

So I Am Easily Bored okay?!

Mon, 19 Sep 2005 22:20:44 GMT

(1) Your gender: Female
(2) Straight/gay/bi?: Straight
(3) Single? No
(4) Want to be? *shrugs*
(5) Birthday? 6 June 87
(6) Your height: 5ft 7"ish
(7) Your weight: 10.5stone
(9) The colour of your eyes: Brown
(10) the colour of your hair: Brown
(11) Piercings?: 5
(12) Tattoos?: 2

DO YOU:

(13) Smoke?: Not stoopid enough to
(14) Do drugs? Not pathetic enough to
(15) Read the newspaper?: If I'm bored on a bus and there's a Metro around
(16) Pray?: No
(17) Talk to strangers who IM you?: Yeah
(18) Take walks in the rain?: Yeah. Thunderstorms are more fun tho
(19) Drive? Kinda
(20) Like to drive fast?: Meh.

HAVE YOU EVER...

(21) Hurt yourself? Yes
(22) Been out of the country? Yes
(23) Been in love? What Is Love?
(24) done drugs? Not stoopid enough
(25) Gone skinny dipping?: No
(26) Had a surgery?: No
(27) Ran away from home?: Thought about it
(28) Beaten someone?: Nearly broken 2 guys noses, once with his own mp3 player...
(29) Gotten beaten up?: Nope
(30) Been picked on?: Does gettin called a goth count?
(31) Been on stage?: Yes
(32) Slept outdoors?: Yes
(33) Thought about suicide?: Yes
(34) Pulled an all-nighter? Yes
(35) If yes, what is your record? 67 hours
(36) Talked on the phone all night? No
(37) Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having had sex? Yes
(38) Slept all day? Bin in bed all day, not sleeping, talking.
(39) killed someone? Thought about it
(40) Made out with a stranger? No
(41) had sex with a stranger? No
(42) kissed the same sex? No
(43) Done anything sexual with the same sex? No
(44) been betrayed? Oh hell yeah
(45) Broken the law? Yes
(46) Met a famous person? Quite a few actually
(47) Been on radio/TV.?: Both
(48) Been in a mosh-pit?: 3 times
(49) Had a nervous breakdown?: No
(50) Been criticized about your sexual performance?: No
(51) Had a dream that kept coming back? Yes
(52) Shoe brand? Vans
(53) What are you normally wearing to school/work? Clothes
(54) Wear hats?: No... only a cap when I'm in America
(55) Judge other people by their clothing? I giggle at it
(56) Wear Make up? Yes
(57) Favorite place to shop? Hot Topic
(58) Favorite item of clothing?: Probably my first Bon Jovi tshirt
(59) Are you trendy? No
(60) Believe in life on other planets?: Yes
(61) Miracles?: No
(62) Astrology? Sometimes
(63) Magic?: Not 'poof' magic, but wiccan magic yes.
(64) God?: No
(65) Satan?: No
(66) Santa?: No
(67) Ghosts?: Seen quite a few
(68) Luck?: If so, I have none
(69) Love at first sight?: Again, what is love?
(70) Yin and Yang?: No
(71) Witches? Yes
(72) Easter bunny? No
(73) Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever? Yes
(74) Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? No, there's a purrple of mixed paints
(75) Do you wish on stars?: No

LOVE

(76) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title?: No
(77) Do you remember your "first love"? Yes
(78) Still love him/her? In a 'I wish I could talk to him again' way, yes.
(79) Do you consider your first love a mistake?: No
(80) Do you like anyone at the minute? Yes
(81) Turn-on?: No Comment
(82) Turn-off?: Two faced back stabbers
(83) Do you base your judgement on looks? Never
(84) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy? I don't wish.
(85) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive? No
(86) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking? No
(87) What are the best things about the opposite sex?: Good personality, but it is so hard to find.
(88) What's the last present someone gave you? DVD which I gotta return. Grr
(89) Are you in love?: What IS love?!

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...

(90) That you laughed at?: Emma
(91) That laughed at you? : Everyone laughs at me.
(92) That turned you on?: No comment
(93) You went shopping with? Marc
(94) To disappoint you?: One Certain Person
(95) To ask you out? Ant
(96) To make you cry?: Same as 94
(97) To brighten up your day?: My friends
(98) That you thought about? Kirsty cos I need to get hold of her before friday!
(99) You saw a movie with?: Ant. If you mean at the cinema then fuck knows. I aint been in so long I can't remember. Probably Ant, Marc and Dom.
(100) You talked to on the phone?: Helena
(101) You talked to through IM?: Marc
(102) You made out with?: No Comment
(103) You slept with? No Comment

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU

(104) Smiled? Today
(105) Laughed? Today
(106) Cried?: ...Today
(107) Bought something?: Today
(108) Danced?: Yesterday
(109) Were sarcastic?: Today
(110) hugged someone?: Today
(111) Talked to an ex?: Aaaages ago.
(112) Watched your fave movie?: Don't have one fave movie
(113) Talked on the phone? Today
(114) Went out? Today
(115) Helped someone? Today

RIGHT NOW

(116) what are you wearing right now? Sic Puppy top and black pants
(117) what are you listening to? Tick... Tock... Tick... Tock... Tick... Tock
(118) where are you? In the front room.

Everything I Knew.

Sat, 10 Sep 2005 20:14:13 GMT

Everything I knew just went out the window
Now I can't depend on you - forever
And I never thought I'd see
My friends walk away from me
I thought we'd always be together
I wish you wouldn't make me pay
For every word I say
And I wish I could change your decision
And you fuckin know I tried
And tell you what it's like
But you just didn't listen
Lets go back lets rewind to the days that remind me
Of all the good times that we spent together
And I don't know why we just let it all slide
When we both knew inside we were right for each other
I don't know what to do
Cos your everything that I knew
Nothing is the same
I wish tomorrow never came
And the seasons do just change
We never used to act our age every time we were together
I wish you wouldn't make me pay
For every word I say
And I wish I could change your decision
And you fuckin know I tried
And tell you what it's like
But you just didn't listen
Lets go back lets rewind to the days that remind me
Of all the good times that we spent together
And I don't know why we just let it all slide
When we both knew inside we were right for each other
I don't know what to do
Cos you're everything that I knew
How can you just walk out of my life
Without even giving a reason
I still think that I could
Have stopped you from leaving
Lets go back lets rewind to the days that remind me
Of all the good times that we spent together
And I don't know why we just let it all slide
When we both knew inside we were right for each other
Lets go back lets rewind to the days that remind me
Of all the good times that we spent together
And I don't know why we just let it all slide
When we both knew inside we were right for each other.

Lyrics I Like That Doesn't Mean I Think Like This

Thu, 08 Sep 2005 13:49:52 GMT

"You feel the knife stuck in your back, You feel it twist and you hear it crack"
"I didn't care that you left and abandonned me, What hurts more is I would still die for you"
"Do you lock youself in your room, With the radio on turned up so loud that no one hears you screaming"
"You stumble through questions that you can never answer, The barrel is loaded so go and paint your target"
"Don't believe that the weather is perfect the day that you die"
"I tried to compromise but you keep telling all these lies, Now I don't get to say my last goodbyes"
"Life is getting harder day by day and I don't know what to do or what to say, And my mind is growing weak every step I take. Its uncontrolable now they think I'm fake yeah. But I'm Not Alone"
"Take a gun called hate up against your heart and pull the trigger"
"We'll start a fire and burn some bridges, And make it out of here tonight"
"All of the memories so close to me just fade away, All this time you were pretending"
"You got your dumb friends, I know what they say. They tell you I'm difficult but so are they"
"It's nice to know that you were there, thanks for acting ike you cared"
"When I think about my life I wonder if I will survive to live to see 25 or will I just fall?"
"I won't look down, won't say I'm sorry"
"I'm young and I'm hopeless, I'm lost and I know this, I'm going nowhere fast that's what they say"
"I'm writing to you, Not to tell you that I still hate you, just to ask you how you feel"
"You know the happiest day of my life, I swear the happiest day of my life is the day that I die "
"Well as my broken heart lies bleeding, You say true love is suicide"
"These five words I swear to you when you breathe I wanna be the air for you, I'll be there for you"
"Dont say if I were you, Or tell me what to do or how things would be if you were in my shoes, Cos your not me"
"I won't give in and I won't back down"
"Nothing lasts forever, I'm sorry I can't be perfect. Now it's just too late and we can't go back, I'm sorry I can't be perfect"

Maybe More Added As I Remember Them

Pfft, I was bored okay?

Thu, 08 Sep 2005 11:39:11 GMT

1. Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me. (This possibly will not apply to all).
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written.

Thu, 01 Sep 2005 12:55:00 GMT

Disorder                     Rating
Paranoid:                     High
Schizoid:                      Very High
Schizotypal:                  High
Antisocial:                     Moderate
Borderline:                    Moderate
Histrionic:                      Low
Narcissistic:                   Moderate
Avoidant:                      Moderate
Dependent:                    Low
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate

URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/index.html

M'kay, so I think this test is pretty accurate. I just read the extra info on the Schizoid part and it basically says "Unlike avoidants, schizoids genuinely prefer to be alone and do not secretly wish for popularity. They are perceived by others as humorless and distant and often are termed loners." I am getting better at social situations, people that know me well will know that I don't like lots of people around, but some will probably assume that because I can talk to them or whatever, I ca do the same with anyone. *shaks head* Nuh-uh.
The Paranoid is the one I agree with, but am more likely to hide simply because I am not always suspicious of other peoples motives, I only get suspicious when I notice something that is different. It also says "Unwillingness to forgive perceived insults" which yes I agree with. If someone insults me, and I don't mean pathetic scallies or whatever, I can hold a grudge for a long, long time. Though in most cases now I ignore insults or shrug them off as pathetic attempts at attention seeking or childishness.
Schizotypical says that "They generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. Their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow." And to people who don't know me, I think that is probably accurate. But I don't think I'm that bad... am I? I know I can't usually keep my attention on one thing for more than ten minutes unless it really interests me, but over elaborate, difficult to follow speech?
Uh-huh. Just read the info on Histrionics... and I was surprised actually. I scored low on the one with the following symptoms.

Needs to be the center of attention

Dresses or acts provocatively

Rapidly-shifting and shallow emotions

Exaggerates friendships

Overly-dramatic, occassionally theatrical speech

easily influenced; highly suggestible

So I'm thinking "Enough Said."
And I'm pretty happy about the Low Dependancy one too, because if I ever became dependant one anyone I would really, really get in a very bad mood. I hate putting people out of their way just for something I could do myself. If that makes sense to you. And just now I realised that this is a very long post so I am going to stop there while I go do more quizzes.

Oh that reminds me. I did a "When Will You Die?" quiz the other day and I'm apparently going to die at 73 from cancer. Knowing my family history, very possible. And I say possible not probable. And I mean that too. *realises is jabbering about nothing. Shuts up*

Quiz thingy... hides from anyone angry by this

Tue, 30 Aug 2005 21:22:09 GMT

Click here.
Take the quiz.
Post your results.
1) One quality you find attractive in static64? fun personality :p
2) Do you have a crush on gs_coates? No... Love ya hun
3) Is gs_coates friends with lost_complex00? Yep
4) What color should purpleface dye their hair? PURPLE!
5) Would purpleface and lost_complex00 look good together? *thinks* Not really...
6) Does purpleface have a crush on static64? Possibly hehe
7) What flavor of jello would gs_coates be? uhm... blue?
8) What animal should seanjones80 be combined with? I'd say monkey... but I think he is one...
9) When did you last call seanjones80? Never cos I aint got his number...
10) What mental disorder does gs_coates remind you of? All of them!
11) If static64 and lost_complex00 were spliced together, what would be its name? Static Complex?
12) How would purpleface conquer the world? Paint everything purple and become its queen!
13) Does gs_coates go to your school? Neither of us go school...
14) What video game does static64 remind you of? Sims!
15) Does gs_coates do drugs? Not that I know of...
16) Thoughts on lost_complex00? psycho!
17) Would lost_complex00 and static64 make a good couple? *giggles* Yes... *falls about in laughter!*
18) Is purpleface a high school student? Recently left.
19) Is static64 in a relationship? No
20) Did static64 break up with you? No
21) Have you flirted with lost_complex00? Not that I know of
22) Would seanjones80 be a better ninja or pirate? *thinks* Pirate cos I kill Ninja's apparently
23) Does seanjones80 know static64? Yep
24) Where was gs_coates born? Near some army camp thing
25) static64's hair color? brown and red!
26) What would gs_coates do differently in your shoes? Be a woman?
27) If purpleface and gs_coates were siamese twins, where would they be joined? in the UK :p
28) Is seanjones80 your best friend? No
29) Would you set up lost_complex00 and static64? LMAO! No
30) If static64 was a superhero, who would be his/her archnemesis? Me!!!
31) Does seanjones80 drink? I tink so...
32) Has lost_complex00 been to your house/dorm? Yes
33) Do you think gs_coates is hot? No *hides from evil glares*
34) What would purpleface think of seanjones80? He's fit.
35) What planet should seanjones80 be from? *thinks hard...* Earth,
36) What is gs_coates's favorite band/artist? Nirvana *bleurgh*
37) What do you agree with seanjones80 about? Uhm... I don't know... that we're alive?
38) What is static64's shoe size? 8 Maybe? Same as his mental age.
39) What do you disagree with seanjones80 about? I disagree with him?
40) Would you wrestle lost_complex00 in jello? I wouldn't wrestle ANYONE n jello.
41) If static64 had a superpower, what would it be? Telepathy or Telekinesis!
42) How long have you known seanjones80? About 6 months maybe?
43) How many monkeys could gs_coates fight at once and win against? None cos he'd get the monkeys confused with himself :p
44) Is seanjones80 dead sexy? To Sarah he is.
45) Would lost_complex00 go out with seanjones80? Doubt it.
46) How long would purpleface dating seanjones80 last? As long as it has plus more?
47) Is gs_coates popular? With monkeys :p
48) What would gs_coates give lost_complex00 for his/her birthday? A card?
49) Would you make out with gs_coates? Do I hafta? :p
50) Is seanjones80 related to gs_coates? No
51) What is lost_complex00's biggest flaw? Uhm... *thinks* ... his rooms always a mess?
52) Is static64 single? Didn't you ask if he was taken before?
53) Are static64 and seanjones80 going steady? static64 is single okay? Stop asking these questions about him!
54) What languages does gs_coates speak? Computer Gobbledeegook
55) Has lost_complex00 dyed their hair? yes.. or he wants to
56) If purpleface took over the world, who would be happy? purpleface, seanjones80 and their friends :p
57) One thing you can't stand about lost_complex00? His psychic powers that instruct my dogs to attack me!
58) Is static64 a nerd? He says he's a geek.
59) Are gs_coates and purpleface married? Yes... Of course not jackass!
60) Which of your friends should seanjones80 go out with? Sarah... oh wait. He is.
61) If purpleface were hanging off a cliff, what would static64 do? Save her most likely I think
62) If static64 commanded an army, who would be his/her followers? Wow... him command an army? It'd the Party Army and all his friends would be followers!
63) Does static64 have a dog? No, Devil cat.
64) Is purpleface athletic? Don't think so, though for all I know she could run the 100 metres in 10 seconds :p
65) Do seanjones80 and lost_complex00 go to the same school? Don't think so...
66) What song/movie would you recommend to static64? Unleashed!
67) How would lost_complex00 kill purpleface? Probably with his broken mini-sword if she turned into a Ninja!
68) Is gs_coates related to you? Nope.
69) Does static64 have a big secret? ... If I knew then it wouldn't be a secret would it?
70) How tall is purpleface? This tall *hovers hand at her height*
71) What exotic animal would seanjones80 like as a pet? White Tiger like any "normal" person?
72) What rank would static64 have in a giant robot army? Commander cos he's not a robot and thinks for himself
73) Does static64 travel a lot? More than me
74) What would you do if you found out seanjones80 has a crush on you? Uhm... act the same as usual?
75) What is purpleface's favorite color? The answer you seek is in the name you chose
76) What word best describes lost_complex00? KRAZI!!!
77) Have you ever dated seanjones80? No
78) Which president would lost_complex00 be likely to idolize? Anyone except George Bush
79) If purpleface took over the world, who would suffer? Anyone who hates purple
80) Is lost_complex00 introverted or extroverted? If I understood I would answer
81) What is static64 allergic to? Nothing I know of...
82) Is purpleface an emo? *shrugs* I don't class people like that
83) Does purpleface smoke? Don't think so...
84) What animal does static64 remind you of? *thinks* A four armed, three legged red gorilla.
85) Is gs_coates 1337? Excuuuuuse me?
86) What is static64's favorite movie? The Crow. Which I STILL haven't seen...
87) Do you have gs_coates's screenname? Of course
88) Would you ever date seanjones80? No, cos he's dating my friend, and also I only like him as a friend.
89) If lost_complex00 and gs_coates were spliced together, what would it be like? Lost Coates *rofl*
90) Could you see static64 and purpleface together? Yep. Everytime we meet up... Oh you mean THAT way... no.
91) What comic book character would seanjones80 be? The Joker cos he's funny!
92) What is lost_complex00's favorite food? NOODLES!!!
93) Where would static64 most like to visit? Disturbed backstage and after party at Manchester Academy
94) Where did you first meet static64? At an abandonned car park
95) gs_coates's eye color? purple :p
96) What would you do if gs_coates died? Cry
97) Are seanjones80 and static64 going out? STOP ASKING IF STATIC64 IS SINGLE OR GOING OUT WITH SOMEONE
98) Is lost_complex00 a college student? Doesn't want to be
99) Where was gs_coates born? You asked that already!
100) What is static64's favorite game? Neopets!!!! *Or it should be :p*

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Sun, 28 Aug 2005 00:15:57 GMT

Hey! Here I am with Marc, Ant and Dom *no order of favorites!* at Marc's house drinking everything that we have in the house, I'm sat here with a mini sword in my mouth randomly. Not in that way. I'm hyper as fuck and I can't remember what I typed two seconds ago so oh well if I repeat myself. Marc jus randomly said Argh! In Pirate style. Hi from all of us to anyone who botheres reading this and Piss-Ed Marc jus headbutted the door pmsl!!!!! I am sooooooo hyper and we're about to have milk shots, apart from Antr who is being mister boring :p Joking, Love You Ant!!! And stop banging your head on the wall!!!!!!!! Moshing is ok. I can't see the screen cos Ant's head is in the way, and Marc keeps falling off the bed and hitting things. I am typing without lookin at the keys so blame that for mistakes. I am really really hyper and speaking spanish while marc is speaking german and is fuckin wasted apparently. That means that Dom is... no idea. I stopped listening! *Love you Dom!* **Hugs** And I know that this is making Ant Jealous :p ***Love you Ant!!!*** Effort. I AM SO SCARED RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And So Is Dom! Not saying why. *ahem* Marc is havin a fit cos of "Moo Moo moo moo moo" and I jus got a slap for that. Marc is slapping himself and being a goit. I can't remember what I wrote, but Ant just robbed my mini-sword that I bought yesterday.... Git. I'l beat him up later *evil giggle* Not that I'm evil... Or violent... But hmm. I'm gonna stop there cos this convo is like
"Stop getting me!"
"Give it back!"
And it's scaring me... If I wasn't here then I would be very very scared. And Marc just reminded me about the "Tool" incident. Read Marc's LJ if you don't understand that one. I'm going to stop there so Marc can write.

Mandi *mwah* xxx

BLAH

Thu, 25 Aug 2005 19:15:16 GMT

Well how fuckin fun laptops are hmm? Let's see. It broke. I took it in to get repaired. I got a phone call estimating £150 max, and it'll take about 2 weeks. £150, okay. Can afford that. May hafta make a couple sacrafices *moneywise, not humanwise* but okay. About 3 and a half weeks later I get another phonecall. "Take about 3 days, it'll be £270." Bit annoyed at the sudden price rise, but okay. Can afford it... just. 10 days later, get a phonecall. It's ready to be picked up. I go to Ashton, I take £300 out of my savings, I get to the computer place. Get the laptop. "That's £317. Want me to send an invoice?"

£317!! For a fuckin laptop to be fixed! THEN I find out that they put in a new harddrive which has no software on it and no Windows either so I need to buy XP which is another £85. I might as well have bought a new fuckin computer! And if they'd given me the actual details before they fixed it then i would have done, but now they've 'fixed' it, I have to pay them so theres no point of buying a new one. It sucks and I hate it and it put me in a bad mood. All it really needed was a bit of soldering to make the power adapter work properly, there was nothing else really wrong with it. And £400 for THAT. Now I've lost all my fan fics, all my pictures, all my work, all my progress on my games. EVERYTHING!

And now I'm sat here, doing shit on Neopets, finding out that I've got paint on one of my favorite tops, with a headache, wanting to punch something but not being able to because of the people who would be dissapointed at me. And I can't be BOTHERED doing ANYTHING for my theory test which for anyone who doesn't know or who actually cares it next wednesday and I'm out tomorrow till monday, and also tuesday so I can't do anything if I don't do it now. Fuck it all. If I fail again, I fail. It'll just be yet ANOTHER £21 I owe out. That takes my total up to aobut £700 at the moment that I owe out and guess what, with my £45 a week wage, with a social life that takes lots of that away, it's going to be a long time before I can pay everyone back and I can't be bothered dealing with it! All I want to do is take the money I have in my savings and go to America or Australia. Sure, I wouldn't have money for food, drink or a place to stay, but I'd be away from all this. Sure I'd miss my friends, but I'd be AWAY! And now my headache is getting worse, I can't be bothered thinking about it anymore and I don't care what anyone thinks anymore. My mind has gone from being in a weird mood to being in a FUCK IT ALL mood. So I'm going to quit here, go get a drink and something to eat, and think how much I wish I had a bottle of vodka handy.

Mandi xx

Aaah. Predictable Immaturity.

Thu, 18 Aug 2005 21:06:14 GMT

There's this guy who I have no idea what's going on with him at the moment. He's my friend, but I don't know if he's actually my friend or not. He posts in his LJ things about me, but so does everyone else. But I don't care what they say, I'd just rather they said it to my face. See, if people tell me to my face that "I hate you, you're a bitch" or "you're a pathetic attention seeker" cos when they do that, I respect that they aren't cowards and for that I do attempt to fix the problems and if they're my friend, repair the cracks and stay friends. But people who post on the internet things about me I have no patience for at all. And I think people are beginning to learn that. But who gives a flying fuck? Me? Uh.. no.
The guy I started talking about, knows who he is. Others know who he is. He sent me two texts that I kept cos they meant so much to me. Back info so you understand the context. At my 18th 'Party', I asked people not to get drunk because of family issues that I don't particularly want to be publicised.

"Mandi i love you and sorry that i'm really drunk but i wont cause you trouble becase i love you. Thank you for being my best friend that i've ever had. Mwah xxxx"
"You know i'd die for you if it came to it. I know i've done exactly what you told me not to and i'm sorry. I love you more than i can words can say. Mwah x"

So yeah, those two texts that I once kept for meaning, I now keep in hope. Hope that he'll see what he's doing to his friends and revert to who he used to be, the person I loved as a best friend. But with the recent developments which are between us, I doubt that will happen. He seems to think that all of this has happened in the last few weeks, but I saw it starting back in February! I TOLD him he was acting differently but he denied it all. And now this. As much as I wish I could say I hated him, I don't. It's basically the same situation I had with another friend of mine not so long ago who I never saw. I wanted to hate her, but everytime I see her I forgive her because I remember the good times we shared. The same goes with this guy. I remember the night we went out alone cos the people we normally went out with couldn't be bothered. The day he gave me a hug and talked to me because the dog I grew up with for 15 years had just been put down. All the times we just sat and talked about everything. The first day we met and I introduced myself to him as Billy Joe Jim Bob. Then he found out my name was Amanda and called it me and I went mental cos I'm called MANDI. Everything that has happened in the last few months, I wish I could erase it all. Even the good things that have happened, I would honestly sacrafice them all just for things to be the way they were this time last year, actually no. In June last year, before the other friend started with her "i can't be bothered coming out anymore" phase. I realise this is not where the post started and not really where I wanted it to go, but it's here now.
I'm really sorry to anyone who thinks that by erasing the last year or so I want to erase them, I don't. There is not one person I have met this year that I regret meeting, even the girl who thinks I'm a pathetic attention seeker just because I wanted to talk to my boyfriend alone. I think I'm going to stop here before I say more than I meant to and start yet another argument. That seems to be all I'm good for at the moment. Or rather people keep dragging me into them. *coughrachelcough*

Mandi xx

Quiz!

Thu, 18 Aug 2005 20:03:32 GMT

Yeah I was bored. Yeah I couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't spark another argument. Yeah I'm on Neopets. Oh wait... yeah. Oh well.
Here goes. A quiz thingy that I can't be bothered emailing around.

0) Single or Taken: Taken
1) Full Name: Mandi Jayne Lee
2) Sex: Female
3) Birthday: 06/06/87
4) Sign: Gemini
5) Siblings: 1 - Brother
6) Hair color: Currently Black
7) eye color: Brown
8) Shoe size: Anything from 5-7
1) Who is your best friend(s) Jo and Laura
2) Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: Isn't that basically the first question?
3) Will you send this to ur crush: No
4) Did your crush send this to you? No
5) Where do u go 4 advice? Friends
6) Are you in love?: Yeah

*-;-*F a s h i o n S t u f f*-;-*
1) Where is your favorite place to shop: Hot Topic
2) Any tattoos or piercing : Yeah 7 in total.

*-;-* T h e E x t r a S t u f f *-;-*
1) Do you do drugs: No
2) What are you most scared of? I'd say losing friends, but I done that before. So nothing.
3) What car do you wish to have?: Lambourghini Diablo
4) Where do you want to get married: The question should be 'Will I ever get married'

~! F a V o r I t E !~*
1) Boys Names: Damien
2) Girls Names: Darla
3) Subjects in school: HA! School sucked.

*-;-* H a v e Y o u E v e r *-;-*
4) If you could change anything about yourself what would it be: My past
5) Bungee jumped: No, want to tho.
6) Made yourself throw-up: Yes
7) Gone skinny-dipping?: No

1 s t T h i n g T h a t C o m e s To M i n d *-;-*
1) Red: Dom
2) cow: South Park
3) socks: Trainers
4) Greenland: Crappy Geography teacher at my old High
5) Canada: *sings* "Blame Canada, Blama Canada!"
6) Tattoo: Devil Heart on my shoulder that I drew
7) Chips: Buttie
9) Blueberry: Pie.

*-;-* Final Questions *-;-*
1) Do you like filling these out: Nope
2) How many people are you sending this to? The number of people that read it.
3)Who will send it back: The number of people that repost it.
4)Last film you saw at the cinema: Uh... Can't... quite... rememb.. Oh yeah. Dark Water
5) What did you have for breakfast in the morning? PANCAKES!!!!!

Mandanarchi's Life

I. Hate. Everything.

Rest In Peace Steve

Long Time No Blog

Bah

LMFAO

*sigh*

WOO Fucking HOOOOOOO!!!

So I Am Easily Bored okay?!

Everything I Knew.

Lyrics I Like *That Doesn't Mean I Think Like This*

Pfft, I was bored okay?

Quiz thingy... *hides from anyone angry by this*

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

BLAH

Aaah. Predictable Immaturity.

Quiz!

sigh

Lyrics I Like That Doesn't Mean I Think Like This

Quiz thingy... hides from anyone angry by this