Mandanarchi's Life

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Current Mood: Yes, still.

So. Life sucks, what's new? Well I'm going back to America with Ant, Mum and Dad. Great! But I have to pay for my flight and what Ant hasn't already paid. And I have to pay by friday. Which means I need to magic up £1020 by Friday. And of course, my car decided to start being a bitch and I've had to pay over £220 on her in the last month. I get around £600 a month, £200 goes straight out on direct debits, around £75 a month goes on petrol so that leaves me with £325 a month. We're going at the beginning of August. So I have May, June and July to save up giving me a grand total of maybe £975 if I don't spend on anything else between now and then. But wait! I have 2 concerts and at least 5 birthdays between now and then. If I say £10 on each birthday that takes the total down to £925. My average for concerts is probably around £50ish by now so that's another £100 so we're down to £825. Yeah, I can definately afford America. I'm going to have to take a grand out of my savings which is going to piss me off because it's taken me nearly 10 years to save up £2500. (Okay so maybe I've saved £1500 in 3 years, that's not the point.) Money sucks, needing money sucks, and not getting paid the same as everyone I work with sucks more. I know I need a new job and mum keeps moaning about it but I CAN'T FIND ONE!! The only ones I can find want 2+ years experience and all my experience is 2 months waitressing, almost 3 years in a factory and around a month of basically being a joey. Doing all the typig and filing and cross referencing that no one else at my dad's old job could be bothered doing. I know that there's probably only going to be 3 people reading this, because that seems to be the amount of people (not including family or work mates) I actually see anymore, no wait. I see Ant. That's it. Maybe Dom once every few weeks, Marc I think I've seen two or three times this year. Jo twice and Laura R once. And that's it. That's my grand social life. A whole 5 friends I've seen this year, not that anyone else seems to care about me anymore. I don't even know why I'm writing this, there's no point because I know who's going to comment and what they're going to say.

I see Funeral For A Friend and Fightstar in 24 days, Bon Jovi in 25, it's my birthday in 27 and I can right now honestly say I don't care about any of it. Bon Jovi are so amazing, I love them and have done for almost 18 years. And yet I can say I don't care about going to see them again. That's how fucked up I feel my life is right now. I have 6 best friends and I see only 1 of them regularly. That's Ant. Oh wait no, his work has decided to start putting him down for shifts on the two days we actually get to see each other properly. Sometimes I think it would be best if I just built my own house with no doors or windows and lived there all on my own. Well it feels like that anyway.

Fuck this, I can't be bothered anymore.

Current Mood: depressed

Since my last blog, loads has happened. Most of which I can't be bothered writing down. The short version is that I got a gorge heart necklace for V Day *huggles to Ant*, passed my driving test, teh Simple Plan concert rawked, every film me, Ant and sometimes Dom see is fun. I don't see people as much as I'd like, even though I have the car and license, I don't have the time. Stupid cars costing money and parents wanting rent and me wanting to buy things so needing the money enough to work 6 days a friggin week. Anyway today I bought the new Fightstar album and it is AMAZING! I also got both Disturbed's earlier albums. I wanted the Childs Play trilogy but oh well. I really need to start saving up for my computer. Bin trying to save since January andI have maybe £60. That's really bad. Oh well. I'l have it eventually. That's all I can be bothered writing for now cos I need to carry on writing my fanfics for Katie who keeps asking if I have more up yet lol.

www.mandisspace.k1z.com

Mandi x

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Current Mood: numb
Current Music: Son Of Dork - Murdered In The Mosh

HAHAHAHA!
I just found out that Johnny Depp is in Nightmare On Elm Street!!! I never knew that and I've seen that film fuck knows how many times!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Current Mood: hyper
Current Music: Laruso - Falling Apart

Well isn't life fun! You know the drill. Clean the house all day, work all evening, come home to find out your grandad will be dead by the end of the week. But that's not even the best part! The best part is that all I thought when I found that out was... "oh." There is a damn good reason why but if I go int o that I'll get accused of being a selfish attention seeker who is all "me me me". So you know.

Oh, really random but there this bit of a song that reminds me very, very much of a person I know and I'm wondering if it makes anyone else think of the same person. It goes

"She's into Janes Addiction,
But she don't know their songs,
I fall over laughing,
When she tries to sing along,
She say's that she's an emo,
Next week she'll be a goth,
It all amounts to nothing,
She gets murdered in the mosh."

... Yeah well anyway. I'm sat on my bed and I'm shivering like hell, but I'm not even cold! I can't type too good cos of the shiveringness and I'm in another of my 'nobody cares' moods, which I have been told no one does. But then again there are the few who say they luffle me and I luffle them too =) And then theres the people I wish I could talk to but I know if I did there would be an argument starting about one thing or another. Pffft. I don't care. Toodles. xx

Current Mood: Blahness
Current Music: Don Of Dork - Murder In The Mosh

1) List ten things you want to say to people but know you never will.

2) Don't say who they are.

3) Don't ask if you're included, or comment guessing which number is you.


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I love you guys.

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Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: Tenacious D - Wonderboy

I did it! Yay! Woo hoo! Finally!
Ok, sounding like an obsessive freak here... WOOOOOO! Oh well! I AM obsessive! Spesh when I got 3 of my fave musicians autographs and my fave from the band said hi to me and my friends :D
For those who don't know, I am talking about McFly. I got some amazing pictures, including one of Tom that looks slightly dodgy, but that's not the point. The point is they didn't go outside signing things at any arena, but then they came out at the MEN! YaY! And I have my sources, who tell me that all the guys liked the present I made for them, Yay!

And me and the tourbus driver, Zippy had a rather funny convo. Every time he sees a fan waiting he tells them to 'go home'. And sure enough he walked past me, Kirsty, Megan, Becky and *sorry, I can't remember her name!* and this is the mini convo.
"Go home."
"You! Do you live in the tour bus or something!?"
"Yes. Go home."
"No! Wanna show us round the tour bus?"
"No. Go home."
"Give us a lift in the tourbus and we'll go home."
*He laughed and walked off*

You kinda had to be there, but it was hilarious anyway. When I get my camera sorted and my pics developed I may put a few up on here. But seeing as very few people read it anyway I don't see the point. Oh well. I can chat on to myself about how life is amazingly brilliant and how I already have 2 gigs next year planned. :D

WOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Current Mood: hyper
Current Music: McFly - She Falls Asleep

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Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: Bon Jovi - Have A Nice Day

Everything I knew just went out the window
Now I can't depend on you - forever
And I never thought I'd see
My friends walk away from me
I thought we'd always be together
I wish you wouldn't make me pay
For every word I say
And I wish I could change your decision
And you fuckin know I tried
And tell you what it's like
But you just didn't listen
Lets go back lets rewind to the days that remind me
Of all the good times that we spent together
And I don't know why we just let it all slide
When we both knew inside we were right for each other
I don't know what to do
Cos your everything that I knew
Nothing is the same
I wish tomorrow never came
And the seasons do just change
We never used to act our age every time we were together
I wish you wouldn't make me pay
For every word I say
And I wish I could change your decision
And you fuckin know I tried
And tell you what it's like
But you just didn't listen
Lets go back lets rewind to the days that remind me
Of all the good times that we spent together
And I don't know why we just let it all slide
When we both knew inside we were right for each other
I don't know what to do
Cos you're everything that I knew
How can you just walk out of my life
Without even giving a reason
I still think that I could
Have stopped you from leaving
Lets go back lets rewind to the days that remind me
Of all the good times that we spent together
And I don't know why we just let it all slide
When we both knew inside we were right for each other
Lets go back lets rewind to the days that remind me
Of all the good times that we spent together
And I don't know why we just let it all slide
When we both knew inside we were right for each other.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Everything I Knew - Busted

"You feel the knife stuck in your back, You feel it twist and you hear it crack"
"I didn't care that you left and abandonned me, What hurts more is I would still die for you"
"Do you lock youself in your room, With the radio on turned up so loud that no one hears you screaming"
"You stumble through questions that you can never answer, The barrel is loaded so go and paint your target"
"Don't believe that the weather is perfect the day that you die"
"I tried to compromise but you keep telling all these lies, Now I don't get to say my last goodbyes"
"Life is getting harder day by day and I don't know what to do or what to say, And my mind is growing weak every step I take. Its uncontrolable now they think I'm fake yeah. But I'm Not Alone"
"Take a gun called hate up against your heart and pull the trigger"
"We'll start a fire and burn some bridges, And make it out of here tonight"
"All of the memories so close to me just fade away, All this time you were pretending"
"You got your dumb friends, I know what they say. They tell you I'm difficult but so are they"
"It's nice to know that you were there, thanks for acting ike you cared"
"When I think about my life I wonder if I will survive to live to see 25 or will I just fall?"
"I won't look down, won't say I'm sorry"
"I'm young and I'm hopeless, I'm lost and I know this, I'm going nowhere fast that's what they say"
"I'm writing to you, Not to tell you that I still hate you, just to ask you how you feel"
"You know the happiest day of my life, I swear the happiest day of my life is the day that I die "
"Well as my broken heart lies bleeding, You say true love is suicide"
"These five words I swear to you when you breathe I wanna be the air for you, I'll be there for you"
"Dont say if I were you, Or tell me what to do or how things would be if you were in my shoes, Cos your not me"
"I won't give in and I won't back down"
"Nothing lasts forever, I'm sorry I can't be perfect. Now it's just too late and we can't go back, I'm sorry I can't be perfect"


Maybe More Added As I Remember Them

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: All The Above?

1. Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me. (This possibly will not apply to all).
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written.

Current Mood: Simply put.
Current Music: Alice Cooper - Welcome To My Nightmare

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Current Mood: crazy
Current Music: NSync - Bye Bye Bye

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Current Mood: amused
Current Music: McFly - Too Close For Comfort

Hey! Here I am with Marc, Ant and Dom *no order of favorites!* at Marc's house drinking everything that we have in the house, I'm sat here with a mini sword in my mouth randomly. Not in that way. I'm hyper as fuck and I can't remember what I typed two seconds ago so oh well if I repeat myself. Marc jus randomly said Argh! In Pirate style. Hi from all of us to anyone who botheres reading this and Piss-Ed Marc jus headbutted the door pmsl!!!!! I am sooooooo hyper and we're about to have milk shots, apart from Antr who is being mister boring :p Joking, Love You Ant!!! And stop banging your head on the wall!!!!!!!! Moshing is ok. I can't see the screen cos Ant's head is in the way, and Marc keeps falling off the bed and hitting things. I am typing without lookin at the keys so blame that for mistakes. I am really really hyper and speaking spanish while marc is speaking german and is fuckin wasted apparently. That means that Dom is... no idea. I stopped listening! *Love you Dom!* **Hugs** And I know that this is making Ant Jealous :p ***Love you Ant!!!*** Effort. I AM SO SCARED RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And So Is Dom! Not saying why. *ahem* Marc is havin a fit cos of "Moo Moo moo moo moo" and I jus got a slap for that. Marc is slapping himself and being a goit. I can't remember what I wrote, but Ant just robbed my mini-sword that I bought yesterday.... Git. I'l beat him up later *evil giggle* Not that I'm evil... Or violent... But hmm. I'm gonna stop there cos this convo is like
"Stop getting me!"
"Give it back!"
And it's scaring me... If I wasn't here then I would be very very scared. And Marc just reminded me about the "Tool" incident. Read Marc's LJ if you don't understand that one. I'm going to stop there so Marc can write.

Mandi *mwah* xxx

Current Mood: hyper
Current Music: Car Underwater - Armor For Sleep

Well how fuckin fun laptops are hmm? Let's see. It broke. I took it in to get repaired. I got a phone call estimating £150 max, and it'll take about 2 weeks. £150, okay. Can afford that. May hafta make a couple sacrafices *moneywise, not humanwise* but okay. About 3 and a half weeks later I get another phonecall. "Take about 3 days, it'll be £270." Bit annoyed at the sudden price rise, but okay. Can afford it... just. 10 days later, get a phonecall. It's ready to be picked up. I go to Ashton, I take £300 out of my savings, I get to the computer place. Get the laptop. "That's £317. Want me to send an invoice?"

£317!! For a fuckin laptop to be fixed! THEN I find out that they put in a new harddrive which has no software on it and no Windows either so I need to buy XP which is another £85. I might as well have bought a new fuckin computer! And if they'd given me the actual details before they fixed it then i would have done, but now they've 'fixed' it, I have to pay them so theres no point of buying a new one. It sucks and I hate it and it put me in a bad mood. All it really needed was a bit of soldering to make the power adapter work properly, there was nothing else really wrong with it. And £400 for THAT. Now I've lost all my fan fics, all my pictures, all my work, all my progress on my games. EVERYTHING!

And now I'm sat here, doing shit on Neopets, finding out that I've got paint on one of my favorite tops, with a headache, wanting to punch something but not being able to because of the people who would be dissapointed at me. And I can't be BOTHERED doing ANYTHING for my theory test which for anyone who doesn't know or who actually cares it next wednesday and I'm out tomorrow till monday, and also tuesday so I can't do anything if I don't do it now. Fuck it all. If I fail again, I fail. It'll just be yet ANOTHER £21 I owe out. That takes my total up to aobut £700 at the moment that I owe out and guess what, with my £45 a week wage, with a social life that takes lots of that away, it's going to be a long time before I can pay everyone back and I can't be bothered dealing with it! All I want to do is take the money I have in my savings and go to America or Australia. Sure, I wouldn't have money for food, drink or a place to stay, but I'd be away from all this. Sure I'd miss my friends, but I'd be AWAY! And now my headache is getting worse, I can't be bothered thinking about it anymore and I don't care what anyone thinks anymore. My mind has gone from being in a weird mood to being in a FUCK IT ALL mood. So I'm going to quit here, go get a drink and something to eat, and think how much I wish I had a bottle of vodka handy.

Mandi xx

Current Mood: pissed off
Current Music: Perfect World - Simple Plan

There's this guy who I have no idea what's going on with him at the moment. He's my friend, but I don't know if he's actually my friend or not. He posts in his LJ things about me, but so does everyone else. But I don't care what they say, I'd just rather they said it to my face. See, if people tell me to my face that "I hate you, you're a bitch" or "you're a pathetic attention seeker" cos when they do that, I respect that they aren't cowards and for that I do attempt to fix the problems and if they're my friend, repair the cracks and stay friends. But people who post on the internet things about me I have no patience for at all. And I think people are beginning to learn that. But who gives a flying fuck? Me? Uh.. no.
The guy I started talking about, knows who he is. Others know who he is. He sent me two texts that I kept cos they meant so much to me. Back info so you understand the context. At my 18th 'Party', I asked people not to get drunk because of family issues that I don't particularly want to be publicised.

"Mandi i love you and sorry that i'm really drunk but i wont cause you trouble becase i love you. Thank you for being my best friend that i've ever had. Mwah xxxx"
"You know i'd die for you if it came to it. I know i've done exactly what you told me not to and i'm sorry. I love you more than i can words can say. Mwah x"

So yeah, those two texts that I once kept for meaning, I now keep in hope. Hope that he'll see what he's doing to his friends and revert to who he used to be, the person I loved as a best friend. But with the recent developments which are between us, I doubt that will happen. He seems to think that all of this has happened in the last few weeks, but I saw it starting back in February! I TOLD him he was acting differently but he denied it all. And now this. As much as I wish I could say I hated him, I don't. It's basically the same situation I had with another friend of mine not so long ago who I never saw. I wanted to hate her, but everytime I see her I forgive her because I remember the good times we shared. The same goes with this guy. I remember the night we went out alone cos the people we normally went out with couldn't be bothered. The day he gave me a hug and talked to me because the dog I grew up with for 15 years had just been put down. All the times we just sat and talked about everything. The first day we met and I introduced myself to him as Billy Joe Jim Bob. Then he found out my name was Amanda and called it me and I went mental cos I'm called MANDI. Everything that has happened in the last few months, I wish I could erase it all. Even the good things that have happened, I would honestly sacrafice them all just for things to be the way they were this time last year, actually no. In June last year, before the other friend started with her "i can't be bothered coming out anymore" phase. I realise this is not where the post started and not really where I wanted it to go, but it's here now.
I'm really sorry to anyone who thinks that by erasing the last year or so I want to erase them, I don't. There is not one person I have met this year that I regret meeting, even the girl who thinks I'm a pathetic attention seeker just because I wanted to talk to my boyfriend alone. I think I'm going to stop here before I say more than I meant to and start yet another argument. That seems to be all I'm good for at the moment. Or rather people keep dragging me into them. *coughrachelcough*

Mandi xx

Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: Armor For Sleep - Car Underwater